Moving Countries Is More Than Starting Over

Giulia Tricamo

11 minutes ago

9 min read

What moving abroad can teach us about friendship, identity, belonging, and mental health.

Moving to a new country is often described as an exciting opportunity. A chance to discover a different culture, meet new people, and start fresh.

And it can be all those things.

But moving has another side we don't always talk about. The feeling of being the new person. The friendships you have to build from scratch. The small things you miss about a place you used to call home. And the strange experience of being surrounded by people while still feeling like you don't quite belong.

For students, moving abroad often means starting over in several ways at once. You might have a new house, a new school, a different routine, and an entirely new social environment. At the same time, you are still figuring out who you are.

As someone interested in Third Culture Kids' experiences, I wanted to understand what this transition actually feels like for other students. What are we most worried about before we move? What helps us feel at home? And what do we wish someone had told us earlier?

I created a questionnaire to explore these questions and understand how students experience moving to a new country. The aim is not to suggest that everyone has the same experience, but to find common themes that might help us understand each other a little better.

1. The biggest challenge might not be the country itself

When we think about moving abroad, we tend to focus on the practical things: finding a house, learning our way around, understanding a new school system, or adapting to different customs.

But for teenagers, one of the biggest challenges can be social.

Imagine arriving at a school where everyone seems to know each other already. People have their own friend groups, inside jokes, and memories that you were never part of. Nobody necessarily wants to exclude you, but finding your place can still feel difficult.

This is why I wanted to ask students what worried them most before moving.

These results demonstrate how the chart could look.

If making friends and missing old friends emerge as common worries in the real survey, this would suggest that moving is not only about adapting to a new physical environment. It is also about rebuilding a social world.

Friendships give us familiarity, stability, and a sense of being understood. When we leave them behind, we lose some of the everyday connections that help life feel normal.

And making new friends is not always as simple as being friendly or joining a club. It also depends on whether other people are open to including you, whether you share interests, and whether you have opportunities to spend time together.

This is an important distinction: adjusting to a new country is not just an individual responsibility. The environment we enter matters, too.

2. Why belonging matters more than we think

There is a difference between being somewhere and feeling that you belong there.

You can attend every class, participate in activities, and know your way around school without feeling genuinely connected to the people around you.

Psychologists and public health researchers have studied this idea through the concept of school connectedness: the feeling that people at school care about you, support you, and value you as a person.

A 2023 report published by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention analysed data from the 2021 Youth Risk Behavior Survey. It found that 61.5% of US high school students reported feeling connected to others at school. The researchers also found an association between greater school connectedness and lower prevalence of several health risks, including poor mental health. These findings show an association, not proof that school connectedness alone causes better mental health.

Although this study was not specifically about students who move abroad, it offers a useful perspective on why belonging deserves attention.

Source: Wilkins et al., CDC, 2023.

For students entering a new school, this raises an important question: how can we create environments where new students feel included rather than simply present?

A buddy system, student-led orientation, welcoming clubs, or even someone making an effort to sit beside the new person at lunch might seem like small gestures. But they can create opportunities for meaningful connection.

The responsibility should not fall entirely on the student who is new. Schools and existing students can help make belonging easier.

3. The emotional side of moving

Moving abroad can bring excitement, curiosity, gratitude, anxiety, and loneliness, sometimes all within the same week.

It is tempting to assume that if someone is lucky enough to live in another country, they should only feel grateful. But being excited about a new opportunity does not mean that leaving your old life behind is easy.

You can love your new home and still miss your old one. You can have friends in your new school and still feel disconnected sometimes. You can be comfortable with change and still struggle with a particular move.

These feelings do not necessarily contradict one another.

If the real data show that students experience both positive and difficult emotions, that would be worth exploring rather than treating the move as either a good or a bad experience.

A 2022 systematic review by Marchal Jones and colleagues examined research on the adjustment of internationally mobile children and adolescents. The authors identified adjustment as an important area of research while also highlighting limitations in the available evidence. A separate 2023 study by Jones and colleagues examined 143 internationally mobile children and adolescents aged 7–17 living in Switzerland. It explored how stress, resilience, family functioning, and adjustment relate to one another.

This research matters because it reminds us that moving is not simply a question of whether someone is resilient enough. Stress, personal resources, family relationships, and the surrounding environment can all play a role.

I think this is particularly important for teenagers. We are still developing our identities, learning how to manage our emotions, and figuring out how we relate to other people. Adding an international move to that process can be both an opportunity and a challenge.

Struggling to adjust does not mean someone is weak or ungrateful. It means that adapting to change can take time.

4. What happens to our identity when we move?

This is where the experience of Third Culture Kids becomes especially interesting.

The term Third Culture Kid, or TCK, generally describes someone who spends a significant part of their childhood living in a culture different from their parents' culture or country of origin, often because their family relocates internationally.

Growing up across cultures can influence how we understand home, nationality, language, friendships, and identity.

For example, someone might hold a passport from one country, have grown up in another, and feel most understood by friends who have also lived internationally. Another person might feel strongly connected to their family's culture despite spending most of their childhood elsewhere.

There is no single way to be a TCK, and not every student who moves abroad identifies with the term.

From an anthropological perspective, this raises a fascinating question: how much of our identity comes from where we are born, and how much comes from the people, places, and cultures we experience?

Culture is not just food, traditions, or the language we speak. It also shapes the social expectations we learn, the behaviours we consider normal, and the ways we understand ourselves in relation to other people.

Moving between cultures can make these differences more visible. You might realise that something you considered completely normal is understood differently somewhere else. You might adapt how you communicate depending on who you are with. You might even feel like different parts of your personality come out in different environments.

Research on TCKs explores these experiences, although the evidence is still developing and findings cannot be applied to every internationally mobile student.

One question I would particularly like to explore through the survey is whether students feel that moving has changed how they see themselves.

If many respondents say yes, their answers could help us understand the different ways international experiences shape identity. If many say no or are unsure, that is just as interesting. Identity does not always change in a way that is easy to recognise, especially while we are still growing up.

Perhaps the point is not that we have to choose one culture or another. We can be influenced by several places at once, and our sense of home can become more complicated than a single country on a map

5. What actually helps students adjust?

Understanding the challenges is only half the story. The other half is discovering what makes the transition easier.

In the questionnaire, students were asked what helped them settle into a new environment. Possible answers included supportive classmates, school activities, family, keeping in touch with old friends, familiar routines, physical activity, creative interests, and access to counselling.

Source: TCKMindspace questionnaire

Keeping in touch with old friends can provide continuity, while making new friends helps build connections in the present. Familiar routines can create stability, and exploring a new city can help it gradually feel less unfamiliar.

Joining a sport, club, or creative activity can also create opportunities to meet people through a shared interest. Sometimes it is easier to start a conversation when you are already doing something together.

It is also important to recognise that students do not all need the same kind of support. Some might find it helpful to speak to a counsellor, while others might turn to family, friends, trusted teachers, or activities that help them relax.

Seeking support is not a failure to cope independently. It is one way of taking care of yourself.

And if someone continues to struggle, they deserve support rather than pressure to get over it quickly.

6. What schools can do differently

If there is one practical lesson that could come from this project, it is that welcoming a new student should be about more than giving them a timetable and showing them where their classrooms are.

Schools could consider:

A student buddy system: pairing newcomers with students who can answer everyday questions and help them meet others.
More opportunities to connect: informal meetups, clubs, sports, and activities that make it easier to build friendships.
Honest information before arrival: explaining school routines, social expectations, and practical details that might otherwise feel intimidating.
Accessible emotional support: making sure students know where to go if they feel overwhelmed, lonely, or anxious.
Ongoing check-ins: recognising that a student may appear settled at first but still need support weeks or months later.

These ideas are consistent with the broader research on school connectedness, which highlights the value of supportive relationships and inclusive school environments.

A school cannot remove every challenge associated with moving abroad. But it can make sure that students do not have to navigate every challenge alone.

7. What I wish every student knew before moving

If I could give advice to someone about to move to a new country, I would start with this: you do not have to feel at home immediately.

You do not have to make your closest friends during the first week.

You do not have to understand every social situation straight away.

And you do not have to pretend that everything is perfect just because moving abroad sounds exciting to other people.

Give yourself time to learn your surroundings, discover what you enjoy, and find people you feel comfortable around.

Try things, even if they seem intimidating at first. Ask questions. Join activities that genuinely interest you. Stay connected to the people who matter to you, while allowing yourself to build new relationships.

Most importantly, do not compare your adjustment to someone else's. Two students can move to the same country at the same time and have completely different experiences.

Some people find their community quickly. Others take longer. Neither experience makes someone better at adapting.

I also think we should become more comfortable talking about the difficult parts of international life. We can appreciate the opportunities we have while acknowledging that change can be emotionally complicated.

Moving countries can teach us a lot about the world, but it can also teach us about ourselves: what makes us feel safe, what we value in relationships, and what belonging actually means to us.

And perhaps that is the most important thing to remember. Home is not always something we find immediately. Sometimes it is something we build, slowly, through relationships, routines, and the moments when we begin to feel understood.

If you are preparing to move, or are already trying to settle into a new place, I hope you give yourself permission to experience the transition in your own way.

You are allowed to miss where you came from while making space for where you are going.