Why Do I Sound Like a Different Person in Different Countries?

This summer, my cousin made a joke about me after hearing me talk to my friends on the phone while I was in Milan.

He said that I sound completely different when I’m in Italy.

I laughed because I had never really thought about it.

But then I started noticing it.

Not just because I’m speaking Italian. It’s more about how I speak.

In English, I feel like making jokes comes more naturally to me. I make silly voices, exaggerate things, play around with the way I say something just to make my friends laugh. I almost feel like I’m funnier in English.

In Italian, especially when I’m with my family, I’m actually quieter. Maybe partly because everyone else talks a lot. There is always someone telling a story, interrupting, adding something, asking a question. I don’t necessarily have to fill the silence because there isn’t much silence to begin with.

So when my cousin heard me talking to my friends in Milan, maybe what surprised him wasn’t just that I sounded different. It was that he was hearing a version of me that he doesn’t normally hear.

And once he pointed it out, I started thinking about how I sound and behave in different places.

Because I notice something similar in Dubai and in the US.

It’s not that I become a completely different person. I don’t suddenly have a different personality every time I get on a plane.

But certain parts of me seem to come out more easily depending on where I am, who I’m with and, probably, what language I’m speaking.

Which made me wonder:

How much of the way we communicate is actually us, and how much is shaped by the people and places around us?

The version of me that speaks English

I’ve always found it interesting that I feel slightly different when I speak English.

Maybe part of it is that English is the language I use with most of my friends. It is the language of school, everyday conversations and a lot of the media I consume.

But I think there is more to it than that.

In English, I feel comfortable being playful.

I make stupid voices. I exaggerate. I say things just because I know they will sound funny. Sometimes I will repeat something in a completely ridiculous accent just to make my friends laugh.

I don’t really think about doing it.

It just feels natural.

And sometimes I wonder if I actually am more confident in English, or if the people around me simply bring that side of me out.

Because language doesn’t exist on its own.

We learn how to speak by speaking to other people. We learn what is funny by seeing what makes other people laugh. We learn how enthusiastic we are “supposed” to sound, how close to stand to someone, how much eye contact to make and even when it is okay to interrupt.

Most of these things are so automatic that we don’t think of them as things we learned.

We just think of them as us.

Then there is Italian

Italian is different for me, especially when I’m with my family.

I actually speak less.

That might sound strange considering the stereotype that Italians talk all the time, but in my family, there is usually no shortage of conversation.

Someone is telling a story. Someone else interrupts. Someone has a completely different story that they suddenly need to tell. Then someone asks a question and three people answer at once.

So I don’t feel the same need to fill the space.

I also think that family changes the way you communicate.

You don’t have to explain yourself as much. People already know you. They know what you mean, what you’re referring to and probably what you’re going to say before you’ve finished saying it.

There is a kind of shorthand that comes with family.

And maybe that changes how much you talk.

So when my cousin heard me speaking to my friends in Milan, he was hearing something different. I wasn’t speaking to my family. I was speaking to my friends, in Italian, but in a way that was probably influenced by the way I normally communicate with friends in English.

Maybe that’s why he noticed.

Dubai is another story

Then there is Dubai.

Growing up in Dubai means that I’ve spent most of my life around people who have very different backgrounds.

There isn’t really one way of speaking, behaving or communicating that everyone follows.

One person might have grown up in India, another in Lebanon, another in the UK, another in the Philippines. You can be sitting at the same table with people who have completely different ideas about what is polite, funny, rude, friendly or normal.

I think that has made me very aware of the person I’m talking to.

When you grow up in an international environment, you get used to constantly figuring out what the social rules are.

And eventually, you stop noticing that you’re doing it.

So which version is actually me?

This is the part I still don’t really know how to answer.

If I am louder and more playful with my friends in English, quieter with my family in Italian and more adaptable in Dubai, does that mean one of those versions is more “real” than the others?

I don’t think so.

We all behave differently depending on who we’re with.

You probably don’t talk to your best friend in exactly the same way you talk to your grandparents. You probably don’t behave the same way in your classroom as you do when you’re sitting on the sofa at home.

The difference is that when you grow up between cultures, the changes can sometimes feel bigger.

You aren’t only moving between different groups of people.

You’re also moving between different languages, social expectations and cultural habits.

And after a while, you become very good at switching between them.

Maybe personality isn’t as fixed as we think

We often talk about personality as if it is something that lives inside us and stays there.

I’m introverted.

I’m funny.

I’m shy.

I’m confident.

I’m loud.

But maybe personality is partly about the environment too.

Not that we become completely different people every time we walk into a different room.

More that different environments give different parts of us a chance to come out.

Maybe I don’t have to choose one version and decide that it is the “real” one.

This is something I find interesting about growing up as a TCK.

You get used to adapting.

New country, new school, new people, new expectations.

You learn to observe and you adjust.

And sometimes I wonder whether that adaptability becomes part of your identity too.

When my cousin made that joke in Milan, I didn’t think much about it.

Now I keep thinking about it.

We change our tone. Our humour. Our energy. The words we use. The things we talk about.

We adapt without necessarily realising it.

Growing up between Italy, Dubai and the US has just made me notice those changes a little more.

So I still don’t know which version of me is the most “real.”

Maybe the answer is that they all are.