So, are you going home for the holidays?

In international schools and expat communities, certain questions show up during the holidays, and they sometimes can hit harder than people usually expect:

So are you going home for the holidays?

Where is home?

People usually mean well. They’re being friendly and probably just starting some small talk.

If you’ve lived in one place your whole life, home is obvious. You say a country, city, town, maybe a neighborhood, and you move on. However, if you’ve lived in three or more places, changed schools, left friends, and learned to blend in fast, answering those types of questions can be difficult.

So when someone asks me, "Where is home?" Do I say Milan, Dubai, or the U.S.? It feels like you have to choose. Like you have to pick the one correct option.

How you react to it

A lot of expat kids become really good at adapting. You learn how to read the room. Observe your surroundings. You learn which version of yourself works in which place. You learn how to start over.

I always believed that it is a skill.

But it can also make simple questions feel stressful because they highlight what you’ve had to build and who you are without a stable background.

Your mind can overthink or get overwhelmed and tend to start negative thoughts. And even if you’re not consciously thinking negative thoughts, your body sometimes reacts. You get tense. You freeze. You feel overly aware.

You don’t owe anyone a perfect answer

Reminding myself that although insecurities can stem from being an expat kid, most people actually have are more curious and positive perspective and maybe even want to learn more. However, if you don't feel comfortable sharing...

Here are a few lines you can steal.

• Yeah, I’m traveling to see family.

• I’m staying here this year. I’m really looking forward to hanging with friends.

• I don’t really have one single home. That’s pretty normal for people who grow up abroad.

A better way to look at it

If these questions bother you, I get it. This doesn’t mean you’re dramatic or ungrateful. It just means your life is more layered than others. You’ve built a home out of people, routines, and memories, not just a location on a globe.